About: Michael Street

I am Michael Street and I am proud to say that I am an original contributor to the Elitist Jerk Sports blog. I just feel like going outside and being a total jackass to any random stranger because this blog tells me I’m better than them. With such an attitude, you may think I’m a former athlete soured by the dark-side of fame and fortune. Well, you would be wrong. My singular sporting achievement came in twelfth grade on the varsity baseball team. A couple of guys decided some hazing was in order before a game with a cross-town rival so they cut strips in our star pitcher’s jersey. Unbeknownst, he put the jersey on and it shredded. The umpire wouldn’t allow him to wear it on the field so our coach ordered me to forfeit my jersey to the pitcher and I was forced to eat sunflower seeds and drink more than my share of rusty well water (which wasn’t different than any other game I “played” in). Our pitcher proceeded to strike out eighteen batters, a county record which stands to this day. But you won’t find his name in the record book. You will find mine. Apparently, the official scorer from the county is an idiot. He was unaware of the jersey change before the game and marked me down as the starting pitcher and even after the coach forced me to call him three days later, he still refused to change the record book citing some ambiguous rule that I no longer remember. Our pitcher died a year and a half later in a car accident and no one has since tried to take my record away. Now, I sit my thirty-seven year old self on a broken down couch and watch my three TVs. The middle one stays tuned to ESPN all of the time, the one on the left to ESPN2, and the other is set to ESPNEWS. There’s not a sports story I don’t miss. My favorite sports are baseball, football, and basketball. Hockey is the only one of the big American four that I have never been interested in. I attribute that to a regional upbringing. I’ve lived me entire life in the South and we don’t have ice, negative temperatures, or Canadians. Therefore, hockey has no appeal to me. I respect the guys that can skate backwards at ninety miles per hour, but I leave the sport to the ones who grew up playing it. In summation, that’s my bio and I am looking forward to the opportunity this blog is presenting for me. I leave you with the great words of Billy Madison: “Knibb High football rules!”

Posts by Michael Street: