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Archive for the ‘Pop Culture’ Category

You may have seen the infamous “three wolves moon” t-shirt by now. It’s a 5-star product at the electronic supermarket known as Amazon.com and with its appearance in last night’s episode of The Office, sported by none other than Dwight K. Schrute; it only stands to grow even more in popularity.

A little research into the shirt reveals a subculture which believes it possesses mystical powers of sexual seduction. Can this phenomenon really be true? Surely it takes more than a man’s shirt to attract a woman.

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As a guy who considers himself fashionable, yet not to the point of obsession and GQ subscription, I always considered the shirt one of horrible taste. Frankly, I thought of the shirt as Billy Madison would: “If I caught myself in clothes like that, I’d have to kick my own ass.” I can picture someone of Native American heritage wearing it or even the super-nerd persona played by Rainn Wilson on The Office, but not anyone of reputable dress.

Now, let’s get back to the subculture surrounding the shirt. To the proud owners, it is transcendent; a sign of power and allure. For evidence, let us look at a few of the customer comments on Amazon. B. Govern of New Jersey writes: “This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened.”

The only thing which could make it better, according to Govern, is more wolves and ones that glow in the dark. Does nothing else say “blow me” to a chick better than glowing wolves on a guy’s shirt? At least, for B. Govern, apparently not.

While our friend B.G. may have been the first to discover the value, he is certainly not alone. T. Guymon of Anaheim, CA is “swimming in a sea of babes the likes of which are usually found on those K-Tel infomercials. I’m also more confident at work, and expect to be promoted to cashier soon. I owe everything to this shirt.”

How is this possible? Are the universal laws enough to explain it? Can Newtonian science make another breakthrough (hurry, someone revive Sir Isaac)? It seems impossible to me that the shirt has any powers of sexual seduction, but there’s only one way to find out.

Yes, in the name of humanity, I will be performing an experiment. I will purchase the shirt and wear it in public a few times. I will also report back to the blog with my experiences: the good and the bad. My curiosity is now at critical mass. I must know if the shirt has the power its owners claim. I encourage any reader out there to do the same and to leave your experiences in the comment sections of my updates.

I expect to wear the shirt about five or six times at various public places in order to fully gauge the influence the t-shirt may or may not hold. I will be looking for the following:

  1. Does the number of females who approach me increase or decrease?
  2. Does the shirt boost my own self-confidence or change the way I feel when wearing it?
  3. Does the number of times of sexual intercourse increase or decrease when wearing this shirt?
  4. Are non-wolf-shirt-wearing males intimidated by my presence?
  5. Finally, do I achieve greater than normal success in class and work?

Let the experimenting begin. My next update on this series will follow the day after my first public appearance in it. Wish me luck.

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pitino_daveBy now, most people are aware of the developing scandal regarding David Letterman, his alleged affair with Stephanie Birkitt and the attempted extortion plot concocted by former Birkitt beau (and CBS producer), Robert “Joe” Halderman. However, you may not know about the titilating and complex relationship that has been formed between Letterman and one Rick Pitino, based on their shared position as über-famous extortionees.

Before I talk about the actual case, I’d like to address Mr. Halderman’s alias. First of all, why not Bobby?  If you’re gonna go informal and you have the chance to be “Jimmy” or “Dick” or “Bobby,” you jump at it.  Secondly, why Joe? Sure I understand that his middle name is “Joel,” but when have you ever known a Joel to abbreviate their name as Joe? Well, aside from Billy Joel.  But that was his surname.

What?  Billy Joel didn’t resurrect his career as lead singer of Green Day?  You just seriously destroyed my Greatest Hits Catalog.

After talking to someone close to the situation, I have been informed that David Letterman contacted Rick Pitino several times seeking advice of a legal nature. Pitino was quite adamant in advising Letterman that he should attempt to “record the broad” that is attempting to extort him.  “That’s what I did,” Pitino said.  “When Sypher (the alleged extortionist in Pitino’s case) wanted to blackmail me.  I got her on tape.”

After Letterman repeatedly asserted that it was not in fact a woman attempting to extort him, Pitino responded, “I don’t care which side you swing for, Dave. My advice remains the same.”

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What more could I possibly add?

What more could I possibly add?

It’s zombie season and the whole world is getting in on the act. Most recently, Anna Nicole Smith, the one time hot playmate, then kinda skanky wife to really old guy, then combative widow, then dead bitch, and now zombie, may or may not be trying to kill her ex-husband’s son.

The FBI, who aren’t familiar with running successful operations or keeping secrets, accidentally let it slip that they once were investigating Anna Nicole.

Dick Cheney was quick to condemn them for risking national security by letting the bad guys know our next move. You may want to check out the poll to weigh in on whether Cheney is the pot in this name calling scenario.

But Cheney has a point. If we keep letting the zombies know all of our best zombie fighting tactics or tell them how much we know about their future plans, it just makes it that much easier for the zombies to work around our agents to get the brains they need to survive.

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I’ve been around racists all my life. It comes with the territory being a Mexican in America. We’re like the new black. There are certainly people that treat me a certain way just because of the color of my skin.

Allegations of racism only leads to more racism.  Can't we just all get along?

Allegations of racism only leads to more racism. Can't we just all get along?

I’ve also noticed as a third party observer that there is another form of racism taking hold of our country, “being scared of being racist”. White people will let black people do almost anything no matter how inappropriate without saying much if anything. If they break a law, sure, whitey will step in and send them to jail, but if the subject offers anything beneficial to white society, most any indiscretion will be overlooked. Likewise, almost any crime perpetrated by a Mexican or a black against the other race will never even get investigated.

Here we are staring a perfect example in the face. A month ago, Kanye West made headlines for being an asshole. Today, Beyonce makes headlines for not only condoning his behavior, but understanding where he’s coming from. All in the name of art. A-R-T.

You see, she thinks she should have won the award and not Taylor Swift. That’s fine – I get being pompous. I’m as egotistical as they come, but I never think my ego should walk all over yours after I lose. That’s fucking stupid.

The real question is: when white people look past these horrible behaviors and lame excuses, is it racism? What would have been the response to Brian Littrell if he had stormed on stage and grabbed the microphone out of Beyonce’s hand? Would there have been a riot?Would Mexicans have been further persecuted?

You know the answer.

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Being a female citizen of the southern U.S. (the “South”) with a heavy piedmont North Carolina accent, I’ve become accustomed to people assuming that I’m an idiot. When I talk to them on the phone, I know they’re seeing me in a UNC cheerleader uniform with a vapid look in my eyes and nothing more to add to a conversation than “Y’all have a nice day.” Or, “Where’s the nearest shoe store?”

In a perverse way, I enjoy this. Never am I more happy to add an extra “ain’t” or “y’all” than when I’m about to destroy a non-southerner’s impression that my IQ is slightly less than my body temperature (in Fahrenheit–or maybe even Celsius) with something culled from my huge vocabulary.

Now, in a stunning turn of events, I can turn the tables on the prejudices of non-southerners, especially those U.S. citizens living in the Northeast. The Daily Beast, the news equivalent of the EJSIC, has compiled its first-ever list of the smartest metropolitan areas in America, using this criteria:

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The year was 1999.  Popular music was dying a painful and tedious death.  The Nirvanas and Pearl Jams from earlier in the decade were being systematically replaced by the Britney Spearses and ‘N Syncs of my nightmares.

So, one crisp, fall afternoon, I was listening to my favorite radio station at the time and they did the unthinkable.  They played “Larger Than Life” by the Backstreet Boys.  Now, for a little  context, I had just come down off of a particularly nasty manic episode and was, at that moment, full of Krispy Kreme donuts and Jack Daniels as was my standard meal in the fall of ’99.  My personal lament for the state of music reached it’s tipping point right there, with that playing of a terrible, terrible pop song on a station that I had respected for years.  So, I did the only thing any self-respecting audi0phile would have done in the same situation.

I begged God to kill the Backstreet Boys.

We struck a deal.  I would stop eating donuts by the pound, get a job and turn my life around…if God would grant me one, small favor in return.  The death of the death of pop music.

Well, I did my part.  And 10 years have passed and all 5 of those dinks are still alive.   I didn’t lash out at God.  I understand that he is busy and can’t acquiesce to every drunken deal made by a person at rock-bottom.  He doesn’t necessarily work that way.  And I don’t blame Him.  I just moved on.

But, this morning, I saw this:

That’s right!  Brian What’s-His-Name has “the Swine Flu.”

My first thought upon seeing this was, of course, “they still HAVE Hard Rock Cafés?”  But, my next thought was “OMG, He’s doing it!  He’s finally answering my prayer!”

So, thanks, God.  You work in mysterious ways and I’m sorry I ever doubted you.

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The Sensei's Samurai of the Week

map_of_rio-de-janeiro

The Samurai of the first week of October destroyed the hopes and dreams of a great Midwestern city, a sitting President, and perhaps most notably, Michelle Obama’s arms.

And also Oprah.

Congratulations, Rio De Janeiro, you are the Samurai of the Week!

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