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Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

The year was 1999.  Popular music was dying a painful and tedious death.  The Nirvanas and Pearl Jams from earlier in the decade were being systematically replaced by the Britney Spearses and ‘N Syncs of my nightmares.

So, one crisp, fall afternoon, I was listening to my favorite radio station at the time and they did the unthinkable.  They played “Larger Than Life” by the Backstreet Boys.  Now, for a little  context, I had just come down off of a particularly nasty manic episode and was, at that moment, full of Krispy Kreme donuts and Jack Daniels as was my standard meal in the fall of ’99.  My personal lament for the state of music reached it’s tipping point right there, with that playing of a terrible, terrible pop song on a station that I had respected for years.  So, I did the only thing any self-respecting audi0phile would have done in the same situation.

I begged God to kill the Backstreet Boys.

We struck a deal.  I would stop eating donuts by the pound, get a job and turn my life around…if God would grant me one, small favor in return.  The death of the death of pop music.

Well, I did my part.  And 10 years have passed and all 5 of those dinks are still alive.   I didn’t lash out at God.  I understand that he is busy and can’t acquiesce to every drunken deal made by a person at rock-bottom.  He doesn’t necessarily work that way.  And I don’t blame Him.  I just moved on.

But, this morning, I saw this:

That’s right!  Brian What’s-His-Name has “the Swine Flu.”

My first thought upon seeing this was, of course, “they still HAVE Hard Rock Cafés?”  But, my next thought was “OMG, He’s doing it!  He’s finally answering my prayer!”

So, thanks, God.  You work in mysterious ways and I’m sorry I ever doubted you.

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LAWRENCE, KS – Cole Aldrich, the Junior big man for the Kansas Jayhawks basketball team took the resolution of the recent scuffles between members of his team and some of the university’s Football players into his own hands Thursday the only way he knew how…by breaking out into song.

Members of the Kansas Jayhawk basketball team 'take it slow, Daddy-O'

Members of the Kansas Jayhawk basketball team 'take it slow, Daddy-O'

The 6-11, 245 lb Center put his own spin on the classic West Side Story cautioner “Cool” to try and get through to his teammates.

A source close to the team said that Aldrich showed “an adept grasp of the emotion and immediacy” of the Bernstein/Sondheim tune.  The source then added “and the surprisingly smooth dance moves really helped get his  point across, I think.”

Senior Guard, Sherron Collins felt inspired by the impromptu performance.  “When (Aldrich) sang ‘Breeze it, buzz it, easy does it,’ we really kinda had to turn off the juice, you know?  It was tight.”

Xavier Henry, Freshman Guard from Brewster [N.J.] Academy, was impressed by the team’s chemistry during the spontaneous dance number that ended the 7 minute session.  “We feel closer than ever.  We’re a team no matter what happens.  We’re Jayhawks.  And Tyrell (Reed)?  That (expletive deleted) can move.”

When Aldrich was asked afterward what inspired the moving number.  He humbly responded “We just gotta play it cool.  Real cool.”

Real cool, indeed.

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Those who have watched the media frenzy regarding Mr. West and his antics must recognize that one of the most epic battles in the past decade has ensued, possibly worse than when President Clinton made his infamous “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” speech [and the subsequent federal trial].  This battle is much more subtle, however its casualties are becoming painfully obvious to the observant viewer.

Kanye West vs. Everybody.  Edge, Kanye.  Here are some classic examples to illustrate the casualties:

No amount of wizzardry can stop this man

Kanye vs. Dumbledore

Kanye, the classic movie connoisseur (right);  He knows  a good wizard when he sees one, and I must concur that Gandalf was the greatest wizard of all time…after all he had Frodo Baggins.  Who exactly does Dumbledore have?  Harry Potter.  A questionably homosexual wizard in training, with a terrible British accent.  As an aside, is it possible that HP ( yes I did just call him “HP”) could be a more terrible wizard?  At risk of losing all of my man cards in one single, foul, despicable act I willingly submit to the fact that I have in fact seen the damn movies.  This guy is a terrible wizard, all of his peers are better than him.  Think about it. (more…)

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As far as celebrity deaths go, 2009 has been flush with headline-grabbers. If some higher being is trying to shake us up to lessen our obsession with celebrity, it’s backfiring. But not for the deceased. We’ve all heard plenty about celebrities seeing resurgence in popularity through the only inevitability in life (the basis for some conspiracies surrounding Tupac, for example). Similarly, the theory of public figures becoming canonized by dying prematurely is well-known and oft-discussed. But what about public figures that had fallen out of our favor prior to their death? We overlook their faults and flaws and focus on the positive. Death is the whitewash that clears the dirt and grime from their legacies. Vindication is the buzz word for these fallen stars. Catholics have long promoted penitence as the method for redemption, but the simple, inevitable act of meeting one’s end has proven to be the best way to win back our hearts. Our collective opinion becomes softened by pity, and that pity becomes the conduit for the resurrection of our long lost appreciation of the deceased’s talent. Let’s coin this as “The Redemption Through Demise Theory”.

Here are the top four (looking for suggestions for a fifth) examples through history, as well as some potential future candidates:

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