Archive for the ‘Recruiting’ Category

Ring Ring... It's the Future!

Ring Ring... It's the Future!

Many of us quit painting rocks in 4th grade art class.  For inhabitants of Knoxville, TN it defines their collective collegiate existence.  Take the above picture of super-recruit Tobias Harris in front of the painted likeness of his back (apparently Eastern Tennesseeans cannot artistically render human hands), for example.  Having a cartoonish image of your rear side painted on a large boulder in Appalachian Tennessee has to be the highlight of one’s autumn (which, coincidentally is the best season).

Only one problem: that shirt I see Tobias sporting bears a rather large non-Adidas symbol.  Better hope the Under Armour equivalent of World Wide Wes doesn’t get involved in this one… 

But never fear.  Any amount of persuasion attempted towards Sir Harris will be curtailed by the lasting image of himself  emblazened on a ginormous piece of quartzite, neckless and sporting the trademark Volunteer headband-yarmulke.  Afterall…  nothing shows you care more, like a Rock!  Cue Bob Seger.

Vols, bitch!


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2009 National Champions North Carolina Tar Heels

2009 National Champions North Carolina Tar Heels

Big news this week in college basketball recruiting. As everyone who follows the drama of recruiting knows, the last day for in-home visits (where a coach visits a prospective student athlete at his house), was this past Monday, October 5th.

No surprise, the most sought after recruit is the top player in his class, Harrison Bryce Jordan Barnes. Barnes wants to be a small forward or shooting guard in college to best prepare him for the NBA. He’s narrowed his list down to 5 schools. Oklahoma, Iowa State, Kansas, UNC, and Duke – pretty much in the exact opposite of that order. Many of us who are following his recruitment are baffled why he expects to play anything other than center for Duke.

Duke was one of the first schools to make contact with Barnes and were long thought to lead for his services. The Blue Devils have made him priority #1 even though he’ll only be in college for a year before he moves on to the NBA.


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John Calipari demonstrates his patented shady recruiting technique.

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John Calipari with Muhammad Ali

In a peculiar twist, it seems that John Calipari is now recruiting Muhammad Ali as a 2009 player for the Kentucky Wildcats.

When asked why Ali and why now, Calipari responded, “If you want to be the greatest, you’ve got to recruit the greatest. Who’s greater than the Greatest of All-Time?”

“Plus, we have an open scholarship that I’d rather not use on Mark Krebs. I don’t really like white people as basketball players.”

When pressed about the obvious issues of Ali’s advanced age, Parkinson’s Syndrome and inability to dribble a basketball, Calipari retorted, “Look, I’ve been told my whole life that I couldn’t do this or that and look where I am now.”

“Did you know the New Jersey Nets fired me? Life is about Bouncing Back, afterall. If I can do it, so can The Greatest. Have you read my book yet?”

Calipari continued, “Muhammad will be a great fit for the dribble-drive motion offense. In fact, there’s not a single player on the planet that can’t thrive in this system. By the way, will you be pasting my Twitter URL in this story? They love me on Twitter.”

When asked for his thoughts on Kentucky and whether or not they were the current leader for his services, Mr. Ali mumbled, “Who is this white man touching me? Did I just buy a car?”

Providing insight into (perhaps) the real motivation in this situation, Calipari whispered, “Off the record… I saw him wearing that red shirt, so I figured he was a Louisville lean. I can’t let Rick Pitino sign a native Kentuckian. These people will burn me at the stake.”

As I turned to walk away, Calipari stopped me, “Hey, be sure you post a link so they can buy my DVD’s too.”

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