The Dating Game: Fake & Obscure Careers

Are you a guy tired of blank, disinterested stares from women when you tell them you’re an insurance broker? Do women find your profession stale and run-of-the-mill? There’s a simple solution. Follow the old boy scouts adage and always be prepared.

So here’s what you do. Formulate several fake careers that are so niche and obscure (but also fascinating) that no potential mate will have enough background information to call you out. Sure, being a veterinarian may seem like a good idea, but that’s far too well known and plausible. You want to stand out as the most unique personality in the venue. It doesn’t hurt to lie on the first encounter about your career (unless you’re unemployed). If you are just trying to get laid, then great, you don’t have to worry about coming clean later. And if you do want to turn it into something more, it will help you weed out the girls with no sense of humor.

But be careful! You don’t want to claim to be an i-banker, have a girl ask you what your portfolio strategy is, and fumblingly reply, “buy low, sell high”. You don’t necessarily need something flashy that screams “I make a lot of money”, because you don’t want her to expect you to buy drinks or dinner. It’s just got to be something intriguing. And lastly, it has to be relatable, something intuitive that she’s already been exposed to in life. That way, it can turn into a conversation.

Struggling to work it all out? EJSIC is here to help. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Fake jobs for men

• Seeing eye dog trainer
• Lion tamer
• Organist at <your local baseball stadium>
• Hot air balloonist
• Goodyear blimp operator/engineer
• Tandem skydiving instructor
• “Kiss Cam” operator
• Astronaut food manufacturer
• You run surveys of dentists for toothpaste commercials
• Skyscraper window washer
• Parade float driver
• Trapeze artist

What careers do you suggest?

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